Every Day Peace: Finding Love During a Pandemic, & reaching your DESTINY

Dr. Dravon James: Welcome to EveryDay Peace with Dr. Dravon James. Welcome to go and Dravon James it is Every Day Peace I am super excited to be here with you today as we explore the concept of living a life of Peace Every Day, Peace defined as wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality. 

I want you for just one moment to reflect on your life, at peace. Right now in this moment, go ahead and inhale on that concept of Peace defined as: wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality. Hold that breath for a brief second and then do a full-body exhale through your mouth, because I’m here to tell you that YES, it is possible to have everyday peace. Yes, you deserve peace everyday!

 And YES, you can have everyday peace!

 We work together on this show to bring you the topics and the guests to partner with you, as you create your life of peace every day. So, I want to say happy Monday happy! Tuesday happy,  Happy Wednesday whatever day you listen to the show it is indeed a happy day! And I hope your week started on a positive note too many people, as you know view Monday with dread. The weekend is ending the work week and it’s about to begin on Monday and some people just want Monday to end as quickly as possible. Listen, I understand this reasoning and I have felt this way many times in my life but in a week of just days are we willing to just throw one day away? 

Our anthem on the EveryDay Peace show with Dr.Dravon James is what we are waiting for? That is our 2021 Anthem, what are we waiting for? We have everything we need right here and right now to be our best selves! we don’t need to waste another second before we decide to activate our best selves. So, Mondays,Tuesdays, any day  should not be a reason to delay our journey back to our peace, our peace, our everyday peace. Instead we could do Monday as a perfect opportunity to begin the week heading down the right path. Monday doesn’t need to deflate us. It could and it should energize us! That’s why I’m so glad we meet here at the kick-off the week every Monday so we can remind each other to start the week on the right path.

 I’ve been thinking about our last guest, from last week and Dorothy Graham Odell had such great information to share with us. she had a book entitled The Overcomer facing challenges with faith and courage. And we talked about her challenges of overcoming struggle with self-esteem anxiety, depression, and family trauma.

 Dorothy offered great advice on how other people can deal with the issues of self-esteem,low self-esteem anxiety and, depression and even family trauma. If you miss last week show or you know someone who would benefit from hearing some great information on these topics, I recommend you go back and listen and and and refer other people to the EveryDay Peace show. You can access the entire library of past shows by subscribing to Dr. Dravon James everyday Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google Play and, Stitcher. Or you can listen to them on Unityonlineradio.org. You can also read transcripts of the recent recent shows on DrDravonjames.com our brand new website the website you guys as you have been hearing me talk about for a while was being revamped we had her old website up there but we’ve got a face-lift look at new information I’m so excited for you to go on there and check it out. A huge thank you to those who have already done so and sent me messages. So I appreciate that. You can access words of encouragement and wisdom on the website, excerpts from my book Freedom is your Birthright, access contact information and guess what else you can get? Free things! 

We still have the free course out there creating Clarity and creating a path to your dream life. I Will be launching a new free course in just a few weeks and you’ll be able to get that there. Now you know that in the past we’ve been able to get free courses just by emailing Dravonjames@gmail.com. That still exists today but it is soon going away as we’re working on new free products. You’ll only be able to access them through the course. Everything’s on the website Drdravonjames.com, so please don’t wait till the last minute but if you haven’t been to the website yet go to Drdravonjames.com today. Bookmark the site come back at least a week so you can see all of the wonderful updates and again that website address is Drdravonjames.com. and that brings us to our Every Day Peace moment.

We’re talking about frustration today guys. I was talking with a client recently about frustration. Now and Every Day Peace I teach and we know that we can use everything that comes into our lives to become our best self and to drive us to success. You know what I say everything it shows up in your life The Good, the Bad and, the in-between has shown up for one reason.  And that is to bow down and serve you as, you consciously create your next level of greatness. So, when frustration shows up we know it has shown up for that reason. We had many discussions on this show about how we can transform emotions into actions. Even emotions that seem, by sum as negative witnesses and anger can be used to drive us in a positive direction. Now I will admit frustration can be a difficult emotion to transform. People associate frustration with anger, and anger is often a component of feel, of the feeling of frustration but at the core frustration is a sense of failure. I know, there’s that F-word,failure. Frustration results when we are not making progress in a task or a goal.

Without achieving the progress as fast as we want to. To use the phrase my mother used to say, We feel like we’re going around the mulberry bush. We’re not having the results that we’re looking for. We can tend to get frustrated because we’re feeling this sense of failure the feeling of failure can be difficult to overcome and during these times it is critical to get back to our everyday peace. So, take a moment acknowledge what you’re feeling we always start with putting her head in the sand and pretend what happened. We acknowledge this is what I’m feeling. I feel frustrated. I feel like this is not going anywhere where they acknowledge that then take a deep breath and remind yourself that we are rarely successful on our first attempt at anything. Every major success that we have had in our lives have been preceded by what’s called mistakes or stumbling. It’s not a failure that defines us, it’s our resiliency. Thomas Edison once said “I have not failed, I’ve just found 1000 ways that won’t work” and that is our everyday peace moment. 

*So I’m super excited that we’re going to welcome our first guests of the day and that is Amanda Rosentel. Amanda is a clinical Social worker and a Therapist she’s here to discuss a very interesting buying of in the pandemic. I’ve been looking forward to this discussion of this conversation all weekend Amanda thanks so much for joining us today.

Amanda Rosentel: Thank you so much for having me!

Dr.Dravon: I’m excited for you to be here because you know what the one thing I got to tell you that I heard from friends and colleagues and was that because of the pandemic my love life is suffering I can’t meet anybody. I know people that coach people who recently gone through divorces during the pandemic and they just feel like they can’t get out of rut because they don’t know how to go forth. So why is focusing on self-love or looking at me getting this way? What is let’s talk about how people in the why do you think that’s even possible to find love during a pandemic.

Amanda Rosentel: Well I think the pandemic has left us with a lot of time to are settled and knowing what we truly need and what we can do for ourselves in order to love ourselves before we can find someone else to love because if we can’t love ourselves you can’t expect to find a loving relationship and give love before loving internally so that’s why self-love is so important and during the time that were in the pandemic we’ve had a lot of time more so than others to just be alone with ourselves in our thoughts and figuring out you know what we love and what we don’t like more so now than ever because before we may not have looked inward to figure that out because they’re so busy doing this or that this situation has gave us a lot more time that we need to look Inward and finding that inner self love helps us to figure out what we need and deserve from a relation.

Dr. Dravon: Oh I love that! So what the pandemic is doing is removing a lot of the distractions. The things that take us away from our relationship with self. 

Amanda Rosentel:Absolutely!

Dr.Dravon: I love that! I often say when I coached people that,  if you look at your relationships they are a reflection of what you think about yourself, right. So you’re drawing in that energy. So I agree that the more of that we get to know ourselves we can work on some parts of Versailles was a higher quality of love into our life and I honestly believe that.

Amanda Rosentel: So understanding personal needs in order to transform that to a relationship, 

Dr. Dravon: how do we get closer to figuring out what it is we truly desire for my relationship? 

Amanda Rosentel: So we need to figure out what drives us like what are those you know?  Thinking back to your childhood, what were those things that you had fun doing? What makes you want to get up in the morning? What makes you feel empowered within yourself? So that you can relay that to the relationship and that could be something that you provide to that relationship and the strength that you provide like when you do find that partner that you have you know that time left and then they’re going to offer their strengths as well so in order to do that you have to find what your inner strength is but you’re in our joy is in Remembering to have fun cause you know again you know when you’re busy doing things we forget to have fun and know what that inner Joy is and knowing what you need in your life in order to have fun and the basis of like relationship is communication yes but then you also want to have fun with each other you want to be friends first, before you grow that type of relationship. Because a lot of relationships the reason they fail is due to you know losing. Just light joy and childlike behaviors we forget about those when you’re just kind of going about the hustle and bustle of life and you can’t you don’t have that time to have fun but now we have that time and you’re trying to know people are still trying to figure out what that is to them and what that means to them and understanding what they need from a relationship and looking at your past relationships during this time to figure out what didn’t serve you but also what did serve you and kind of making that list and seeing those different types of things that you need from a relationship. 

Dr. Dravon: Yeah, I love that love thank you for that answer.  I love that idea of finding your inner strength or your inner joy and do you have any tips that people could use especially now during the pandemic? You know people are home more than what they are out and about but we do they start? Because I talk to people quite frequently who will tell me that I don’t know what I feel like I’m not really sure how they can start the exploration of finding out what their strengths are to find out what they really enjoyed.

Amanda Rosentel: You can start with something as basic as setting a timer on your phone for 10 minutes and write down everything that you love from your childhood canal and they could just be words or places, people things. I know during this pandemic I wanted to get out more enough things started to open up. I thought back to my childhood and I used to take dance lessons so things start to open up a little bit more I started to take papa-son’s again and now once a week I go to tap class and I feel like that really brings out my inner joy. And that’s just time for me to see what I need I mean I have an amazing husband and two kids 4 and 5 I like that’s finding that time with yourself and what you truly love so just setting a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and writing down everything you left it whether a cooking gardening whatever it could possibly be and it always helps to start with what you loved in their childhood any hobbies or activities. I’m talking help to start to get the gears turning in your head of what you could possibly still loved out you can bring that back out of You by just creating a list and maybe you can’t get everything out at once but just kind of reflecting on that list every so often or every few days to keep adding those things that you just enjoy doing and then try doing them and see what it brings to you.

Dr. Dravon: Oh I love the idea of writing that list and going back to your childhood and it’s so interesting that you mention you danced. I was just telling a friend that that’s one thing that I love from my childhood to was you know taking pants and in the thing is that I’m hearing or feeling as you’re talking is that those childhood things that we love or are part of our core,you know. Whatever that is and it’s never too late I love the fact that you’re married you have two children and you were willing to go back and embrace this the joy of tap and dancing and their people who say your well you’re too old and too inexperienced but it really is just about you know maybe we should do professional level you never know but it’s not even about reaching another level is about fulfilling a part of you that that exists in your love for this type of movement so it’s astonishing how much I think we deny ourselves because we’re looking for Perfection instead of looking for joy.

Amber Rosentel: Absolutely and my husband does hockey on Thursday. So we each have our day that we do the thing that we love actually build a nice relationship so how do we to know if we find out what we love you found your dance and your husband got his hockey let’s say a new couple meets in and they do know they found their Joy how do they present the knowledge early in their in their courtship like this is who I am this is what I what I enjoy how do you mix that in there and in the early part of the courtship. Definitely finding that balance that balance love spending time together and spending time apart during your individual activities and knowing what that balances for you because you don’t want to have you no one of you spending all the time doing everything you love and not putting enough time into the relationship so you both need to be invested enough that you want to have a relationship and work on those Balance and that’s why communication is so important and you know my husband I are constantly communicating I know it sounds like exhaust think that’s a really good thing because you can’t read someone else’s mind so if you’re doing too much of your thing the other part in the other person’s like feeling bad about that somebody needs to speak out there has to be a conversation to know like even from the beginning or you know by the 4th date or so. Okay, well you don’t I have you know some people play soccer or whatever you know this is what I do on the weekends or this is what I do here and are you able to balance that out and accept each other for who you are or can somebody give up a little bit more time to put into that relationship as finding that balance with each other and you know some people that look differently you know some people need that more alone time or more together time you have to find out how to complement each other in that respect.

Dr. Dravon: Yes, it doesn’t seem quite individualistic like you have to know what works for your relationship but one of the things that I think it for our listeners suplee into is that it helps I hear all the men that I coach I hear sometimes I complain of women being very clingy or smothering and I think what you’re saying right. Here is a way to prevent that is that if you have a task or something at Hobby that you really, really love and you have designated to one or two days per week that gives your partner some breathing room and some expiration room of Pain by herself. Cause it’s not just men who fall into that category but and it seems like a great way to not only build a relationship but to preserve a relationship too because everybody has that individual time to really work on their breathing room.

 You always hear people saying that you want to get the the partner that the kind of love that you deserve I guess it’s the best way to say that you hear that all the time don’t settle get what you what you deserve this is tricky because while we all deserve to be loved how can we approach this just leave without looking for it or try to look for Perfection or make someone feel like they need to be the perfect person how can we get with what we love what we deserve without invalidating somebody? 

Amanda Rosentel: Yes, great question because I’ve definitely been in my share of unhealthy emotional relationships and you basically have to follow what your body is telling you. If you’re, you know you’re pulling away and I remember I used to say you know this relationship to go to know if I’m willing to settle that’s not something you want to you know follow you want to know like in your gut you want to have that peace and you want to be able to trust so when your body is reacting a certain way you really need to listen to it and like trust in your gut,  in your heart to pull you in the right direction. Sometimes that you don’t you make up these things in your head where you know I’m The Blind Side okay I’m willing to settle it or on the other side you could be too picky about it and then you end up losing great relationships and it’s basically at the core is the finding that person you want to be on a team with for the rest of your life that you want to create that good foundation of communication and teamwork and building a life together having a be perfect but just building something together and saying this is ours and this is what we created and being proud of that.

Dr. Dravon:  Yes and you said something that I love Amanda the body does not lie the mine can get really I think I mind sometimes you said that’s like all this is what I could settle for me even if you don’t use the phrase settle which may be a triggering phrase for us the mind has a way of trying to compromise a lot and saying well you know if it is a look at that maybe this isn’t for you but you’re but you’re the body doesn’t lie the body does give you certain ques that it’s uncomfortable there’s something here that it isn’t comfortable with it then and I think that’s important and know well what are some things and he asked for something that is it could be happening in somebody if you could that would tell her that maybe this is a warning mean that it’s a hard no but this could be something is going on and telling you that<br> maybe your check things out a little bit more what are some things that our body would do to give us those have two signals<br> okay  Amanda Rosentel: Yes! absolutely like a lot of times I can just be like a pit in your stomach or its that weary feeling of not fully trusting them are always needing to know where they are that sense of control that a lot of in a relationship as that aren’t healthy is like needing to know where the other person is or heating to like look on their phone and just having that urge of like something’s off but I know a lot of the time it’s a lot of people feel just like a pit in their stomach of okay something’s off here. I just don’t feel right but I’m going to go through it with it anyway because this is what I have now because he or she checks all the other boxes right and you said it’s a little bit and I think a lot of times there’s a tendency to laugh that off is all I’m just nervous or is this is like really trying to communicate something to you that you need to look into a little bit further.

Dr.Dravon: I love the fact that our bodies are so in tune to a connected to our soul and let it try to give us a message. If you would just slow down another good thing I believe Amanda that came out of this pandemic he said in the beginning is that these distractions we were we have more time to notice these responses that are self I think of pre-pandemic we were so busy that a lot of times we didn’t take a minute to realize gold yeah my stomach this for a little bit you know something’s going on that is a slow down. It’s really been good for us meet me. We have a few more minutes before we get to the end of our talk. I would love for you to tell us how you work with clients? How can people get in touch with you and anything else you’d like us to know? 

Amanda Rosentel: Okay, so basically I’m currently offering a three-month session. Where you can have contact with me 24/7 throughout that three months and I offer services that we can find goals that you’re working towards or that you’re stuck on if it’s relationship-wise or with just low self-esteem or anything in those regards. We kind of pinpoint what you need to do and I work with you based on your lifestyle, lifestyle and circumstances to get you to a better place where you need to be mentally and you know what my background in therapy as a life coach that definitely helps to give me a lot more Tools in that regards and the best way to find more information and contact me is Newutherap.Org and exactly what the relationship side of the I met my husband on match.com. So I’m definitely no stranger to online dating and that probably know most people are meeting during these pandemic times so I definitely have a lot of kissing things to offer when it comes to online dating.

Dr. Dravon:  I love it! I love it! And that’s new U therapy. Org to work with Amanda Rosentel and you know that leak is it left me to my next question really briefly and do you feel that in a minute women of all ages are looking for connections that’s absolute truth are there are generational differences and recommendations at meeting for Millennials vs gen xers and part of that question for me was to people who are more comfortable or not comfortable at all with dating online

Amanda Rosentel: I found with everyone even from my twenties until an above basically online dating is just becoming much more common even without the pants on Deck. So it’s just kind of late you see what your options are but then you know meeting them outside of the online space to afterwards when you feel comfortable but you know I didn’t like about 10 years ago when it kind of wasn’t talked about that much and it would be like how did you need online dating and still kind of skeptical but it’s definitely becoming more of a thing I definitely have a lot of clients to works I work through the self love with them and all of that even after divorce and then it was amazing cuz during the whole pandemic the I have a couple that they met during the pandemic and now there is able to look into great their life together and it’s been such a magical thing. 

Dr. Dravon: yesterday was Amanda Rosentel that you can connect with her and New U therapy. Org.

Dr. Dravon: Welcome back to Every Day Peace with Dr.Dravon James welcome back! I’m Dr.Dravon James  and this is Every Day Peace our next guest is Patty Bear. Patty bear grew up in a rather restrictive Mennonite and went on to become a Force pilot. She work for airline now is the author the author and a life coach Patty.

Patty Bear: that’s wonderful to hear thank you.

Dr. Dravon: And I got to say this again, I told you just going to break every time I say your full name Patty Bear, I get delighted. When I read you about your bio and you about what you done I get even more delighted. So I am super excited to have you here today to share your unique experience and your expertise and the person we’re going to open up with is This this term which I was new to is the, Butterfly Destiny. We’re talkin about reaching our destiny today with you and what is a Butterfly Destiny and does everybody have one?

Patty Bear: Sure, start with the easiest start first. Yes, everybody does have one. In fact everybody has many Butterfly Destinies throughout their life and what is it the Greek in Greek folklore the Greeks imagine the store was a butterfly that was their image for it and so if you think about the process that a butterfly goes through it starts out as a caterpillar and it’s crawling around along on the ground and that’s all it knows and it has no idea of what awaits it on the other side of transformation and it goes into this process then to the chrysalis and everything that it is dissolves. It’s not recognizable its past form is not recognizable and the form that is to become it has no idea and for humans this is a really scary process in our lives when things dissolve when they disintegrate it’s it’s pretty frightening but on the other side of that it comes out and in and a new life emerges and you have the adult butterfly and then it becomes the full fledged butterfly and on the other side of that transformation there’s this beautiful colorful creature that can fly that the caterpillar could never have imagined could have happened to it. And so each time we go through this process in our life is cycle, we reach a new butterfly Destiny and then that butterfly just you know, starts at that cycle over again. And each time we do this it’s like a spiral where we spiral higher and I heard you say in the beginning of the show about how everything in your life is it it’s a has a purpose in life it serves you and I often say that trauma can sometimes be a path to Liberation that these things that we think of that you never thinks when positive things happened to us it’s easy to go oh yeah that’s serving me right but when life falls apart and when it’s not fun and it’s painful it’s much harder to see that it’s serving you but that was that was my experience. I grew up in this old order Mennonite culture among the plain people of Pennsylvania with our machine, the Mennonites and adapted to life I expected to live. It was a life where women were trained to be silent submissive obedient; they sat on the opposite side of the church from the men. They didn’t have any voice in the church. Just a very you know very dependent life and on both sides of my  family. All the relatives that I knew for about 400 years back as far as I know everybody belong to this church. This is the life that we would grow up lead and I expected to wear the long dark dresses that my mother wore. The black Bonnets and I didn’t know any different until traumatic event happened and it upended everything and completely changed my destiny.

Dr.Dravon: wow that’s a beautiful beautiful story. And thank you for sharing it. I want to go back just a little bit because the butterfly Destiny, I love the phrase. There’s another term Butterfly Destiny and there was something that you said that each time and I want to paraphrase it properly, but each time I guess you can plead or is it that you just face it you go a little bit higher so you get multiple Butterfly Destiny’s in your journey, your life’s journey. And if I understand it correctly once you finish that one or complete that one then you have another one and it takes you a little bit higher than the previous. Am I saying it properly ?

Patty Bear: That is absolutely correct and you know the thing I would emphasize too is that in order to go higher paradoxically we have to descend. And so that place where we go into the Chrysalis is that descent into the darkness and on the old life is disorganized, it becomes disorganized it sometimes becomes chaotic. It disintegrates at the dogs but that’s all necessary. It’s like we have to make sure we have to clear out the old to make room for the new but yes you’re absolutely correct each time we go through that process of transformation we come out higher and higher it’s an upward spiral. 

Dr.Dravon: So what happened that I could spend a whole hour on this I want to move along but I just want our audience to get this because I know they’re people that are in different phases of their life they are listing a probably listening audience where are the peacemakers and I want this really to be in encouraging point because we all know that life is cyclical right? We’re and I heard this many many years ago I was very very young and discouraged when I heard it but I’ve lived long enough to know that it’s true is that we are either in the middle of something coming out of something or heading into something, right? And so, that’s the life I am, I was young when I heard that a woman in my teens out there, no not me not me. but yeah me to put in here is the truth of that and what you said is so true and I love the way you said it. is that you first have to go down to come to spring higher. when you said that I had this idea of when you’re on those, what’s it look up the kids jump I can’t think of the name of it now lyrics to you go deep into your down and you spring a pirate and then the further down you go the higher up you can go faster than the higher up you ever played on one of those and so wherever you are in your life I really want to be encouraged to our listening audience to hang in there. Keep, keep your eyes focused on the fact that you will, this is your Butterfly Effect. your Butterfly Destiny, excuse me and you are, you are going to come through this you are going to come through this better than you could possibly imagine. So I just, I love that, I love that whole thing and you’ve written a number, where we can talk about the books and everything else there’s so much to say, so I want to ask you this question before I lose it, what is the difference between oppression and being stuck in life?

Patty Bear: Yeah so, I think sometimes we can confuse these two and and so oppression is outward control. So, someone is objectively controlling you in some way restricting your freedom differences in the culture that I grew up in as a child, the women were not really allowed to have jobs there was economic oppression. So it  limited their choices that something that ended limited their power. We have you can think of religious oppression which was, that was a part of it but my father got shot and what that meant is that when he, when he left the church they he was out of the members of the church were allowed to eat with him they weren’t allowed to do business with him it was very much an emotional. it was a breeze of punishment they, they Define it differently but it but in actual fact it was a punishment so there’s a suppression of, if you leave there’s a consequence of that is not about bad behavior it’s about you, you’re not allowed. We’re controlling your course we see this with, you can see this with dictatorships around the world do it’s an outward, it is an outward control on sometimes I can be conditioning it’s subtler. It’s been going on for so long it’s a tradition and a family at the tradition in a culture that we’re conditioned nobody has to tell us anymore what to do we just automatically do it because we come to fear. Some, some result so that’s oppression Doc. it’s something different when we get out of the situation when we’re no longer actually being oppressed we can still hold on to those beliefs and they can still impact our actions and our choices, so we may leave home and we’re no longer children but as an adult. Child maybe we think what I should do this or have to do this without really questioning it so that’s how, that’s how I would define those two different.

Dr. Dravon: Yeah! I love that and it is sometimes a lot of work to one realize that you’re stuck, right.

Patty Bear: In be willing to put the effort in to become unstuck.I think about, you know, this hitting the circus they put the elephant the biggest strongest animal there and they’re holding the elephant and playing with a small little stake in the ground and little in a little rope. And the Elephant could easily break away but they know they’ve been oppressed or whatever they’ve been in they don’t even try anymore. So that’s, that’s what I think of when I think you’re stuck. You know you are out of that situation but you’re still there emotionally and mentally-you’re still in that situation. And if  that, to me is sadder to see because they realize that a person could move on-they could move into their Destiny but because they can’t figure out how to let go of these internal blocks they won’t do that.

Dr.Dravon: Yes it’s a great example of Oppression sounds very daunting as it involves total control of another human being you  know? And we’re talking about breaking free from being stuck with how do you break free agents to do that?  

Patty Bear: Quest Channel,I would say this you either always breaking free or life is breaking you free and so sometimes when we break free we used to do that we consciously set out maybe maybe we start a business or maybe we can get out of a relationship or maybe we moved to the other side of the country we do something like that consciously because we choose to the lights also comes along and breaks Us free and sometimes when that happens we feel like we’ve done something wrong you know we’ve been bad and somewhere we made a mistake but my experience with you know I write about in the book has happened to me when I was 8 years old. So objectively, your readers can overstand or your listeners can understand that I didn’t do anything wrong. You know, I was just part of this system but the system as a result of my father. My father got shot and he became berserk and he took his case public he took it public. And yeah I made the front page of the New York Times and he was in The Washington Post multiple times in these National newspapers over the course of a decade was in newspapers all around the country, Canadian television and it wouldn’t end. It was just a very searing experience for us children to be exposed like this because he had, he had a he was regarded as like a folk hero and people did not know the trauma that we are experiencing. The violence that we are experiencing at home and that we were living on the run and they used to send us letters and so there was this whole,  this whole circumstance that was like a pressure cooker and out of that I looked at it and I decided I’d ever wanted to have my mother’s life. I was going to do something different. I had no idea how to do it and still in a lot of ways the situation broke me free from this tradition. This 400 year old tradition, because otherwise I would have joined that church. I would have lived my mother’s life. I, I just always knew that and so we can happen two ways we choose it or it chooses us and life will break you free.

Dr. Dravon:  I love that you said at the beginning that we’re always breaking free or life is breaking us. it is remote that you know every day we get up you have to make a decision again. We have to read the side of firm yourself to whatever it is we are moving towards because if not we’ll find herself not you know reaching our goals we’ve got to make that decision Every Day, remake that this is really commitment to that plan every day because it’s a thousand and one things that are here as distractions or you know the oppression of the mind and physical questions that are there so making that decision to break free and to move forward is important in any daily process

 can you describe what it is the call of your wild soul with what is it and how do you hear it

 Patty Bear: yeah tell your call if your wild so is basically your inner knowing it is the voice of your soul and it caused you to Adventure it also calls you to do. When you go through that process of deep thought, dissolving on the other side of that has, life begins to reorganize and a new life is built. My experience was that it calls you to this path of breadcrumbs and you don’t know where that’s leading. Your soul knows where it’s leading but you don’t. So for instance for me I was called to, I won this race when I was in 8th grade and as a result of it I got recruited to the high school sports team. which was not something we did in our culture and then my brother told me he heard that I wanted to be economically independent and I figured I would probably have to go to college though from our background neither the man nor the women typically went to a college. Because you would have felt that you would get educated away from the truth but my brother told me to take all the hardest classes. I couldn’t listen to him and then when I was in 10th Grade he talked me into taking flying lessons, which I did not want. I had no interest in it;I got air sick. But there was something about it that was like, yeah just do it! 

So I took a couple lessons and then I was like, well I guess I’ll solo and then I soloed and I was like well I guess I’ll decide to get my private pilot’s license. And I didn’t have very much money. I paid for this all myself I worked after all weekend Summers and had no idea why I was even making a living it as flying in those days it was It Was 1980 and then one day when I was in high school there was a an announcement over the loudspeaker and it said there’s a Cadet from the Air Force Academy in the guidance counselor’s office. And if you want to hear what they had to say and for my background where we weren’t allowed to serve in the military weren’t allowed to vote -I didn’t even know what that was but I was like this and something to do with flying and you know I didn’t have anything else to do so I went in. And my whole trajectory changed out of that 180° from where I had grown up and I graduated from the Air Force Academy and I became an Air Force pilot aircraft commander in the first Gulf War. And just retired 28 years ago as a Triple 7 captain for the airlines that came from this little inner voice that I would hear a psych. It’s not loud. The voice of the soul is almost never loud. What are the ways you hear it? Sometimes it sends it or knowing it’s an intuition sometimes as it was with my brother. Someone else says hey you should do this right and something about that’s like okay sometimes it’s a synchronicity you hear something there’s an opportunity that comes available and all of these things are the ways in which your soul speaks to you and pulls you along with your unique destiny. Different from anybody else in the world and only you know that and you can, you can discern the voice of your soul. I pay attention to it using “Common Sense” certainly risk analysis you know you don’t just throw out and it itch. It will call you to just sometimes risky things but not crazy things generally and it devore to you listen to it. The more Adept you become at this learning what is this quiet Whisper of your soul. And if you follow it and it has always it rarely takes you where you think it’s going to take you but what I always say is it always takes you to the essence of your desire what you truly want what truly makes you happy.

Dr.Dravon James: you have said so many key things here in this talk and that in that answer. So I want to go back. Thank you for that. This in your inner knowing but it’s an inner knowing and there is. I am the place now in my own life and I’m speaking for hopefully a lot of our listeners to that I too. I can feel that pull but there was a point in my life get and I remember vividly where I if you would have said that my internet going it would have discs with a frustrated and we talked about frustration in the beginning of the show but I would have felt like I don’t know I don’t hear an inner knowing. And, but I love how you came back with this and this is I think he, he calls you to Adventure. Right and Adventure feels, it sounds good when you’re coming up in the kid is a kid on the couch reading a book but when you’re in a think about Adventure it sounds all my goodness can I afford that? And what about the kids? What about the house and what about the mortgage? what about this? But if you go back to the route this is an adventure.

Patty Bear:  Right, that is an adventure. Yep, people that you know please do use your common sense and run it through a risk analysis. you’re the voice of your soul its not some Guru cult figure you don’t have to listen to it all that it asks of you it is the considerate. I’ve gotten guidance years ago I was sitting and I went to Quaker Meeting for a while and the idea there is you, you know sort of had a direct. You’re basically really tuning into the voice of your soul and I heard this phrase and it was like a sentence or two and I was like: “What am I supposed to do with that?” Am I supposed to stand up in a part of the tradition? 

     There was, you could stand up and share it with the rest of the congregation if you wanted to, and so I kind of tuned in and, I was like am I meant to share this? And I couldn’t really feel anything that said it was meant to share it so I was like the only thing that was clear was that I was to write it down and remember it word for word and so I did. And I couldn’t find any relation to anything that was going on in my life at that time but I wrote it down and I remembered it and it wasn’t until 20 years later that it became of used to me that I realize what it was there for and it was in writing this book in my Memoir on there was about how to tell the truth and I was like oh I got it so and I have another friend that says guidance always arrives in advance of need and so when you get guidance write it down, honor it. You don’t have to follow it, you don’t have to do anything with it write it don’t pay attention to it if you get an intuition; honor that at least give it consideration. That it might be you know, guiding you in a particular direction and then do your homework. Does it make sense? Can you afford to do it?  Can you afford to do it at this time in your life?

Dr. Dravon James:  I love it so you’re going to do. You’re going to feel, going to lean into this is what I’m saying. This is me paraphrasing you stop me anytime it’s raw but what I’m hearing how it was translating in my mind is lean into that adventure and when you’re leaning into that adventure.

Patty Bear:  You know do do your risk analysis. Do the adult thing figure out where you can build in some safeties in your you know but lenient because there’s something on that Journey for you that is going to have this.  Yeah so that’s this is but if it’s going to take you to your butterfly Destiny so to speak so I think that is just.

Dr. Dravon:  amazing that’s a whole call of the Wild soul and I want to just end it we’re almost out of time. That I want you to tell us how to get your book and all of that but I just want to say one other small thing that I heard you say there is that the voice that speaks to us as soft it doesn’t scream like all the other voices. And I always say that requires that for me. As I think about my own life, how I connect to that you don’t have to call it meditation you don’t have to call at 3 or I call it silence. You do not spend some time in the silence of me. To do that is to be out in nature in some form or fashion and just be silent and listen to the called The Call of the Wild sometimes. When I’m walking and there’s all kinds of Critters and there’s beautiful sounding birds and all of a sudden I can hear the sort of Whispering inside of my soul. Not even like a word is like More Than A Feeling but the strong enough to call it a conversation and I think that’s where we find that silen, that silent presence that knows everything.

Patty Bear: Yeah that’s so true I get it when I’m running I get it. When I’m moving and if I want guidance I simply ask a question. I just throw it out there and then I don’t worry about it and it comes when my mind is calm. I don’t meditate. I don’t do any of that, I just asked a question. That you can, everybody has a different method. I just asked a question and then the answer arrives usually arrives in quietness and like you said it’s it’s a quiet answer it rarely shouts.

Dr. Dravon James: Yeah it’s quite as if there’s something to be said about having this time to herself and being in this place of of of of silence. So tell us a little bit about your books and what you’re doing with with,what’s next for you? How we can connect and stay abreast of your of the wonderful work that you’re doing? My first book was called House of the Sun the Visionary guide for parenting in a complex world. I wrote that 4 years ago and my recent book is a memoir called, From plane to plane by Mennonite childhood a National Scandal and an unconventional sort of freedom. And sort of lays out the framework as we were talking today about what it looks like. An actual story of what it looks like. A  real life story of  what it looks like just follow this Call of the Wild soul and to your butterfly Destiny and you can get that online it’s on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Indy, Books Books a million in it’s audiobook form Kindle all the different forms. So that’s what I’m doing and in the future when you can contact me on teddy bear author page or say on Facebook or Patty at the Flying Club. Excuse me Patty at the Flying Club. Com(Patty@theflyingclub.com) in the future I would like to write more about the butterfly Destiny and the hero’s journey.Which is very much the same. So that’s why I have a feeling that no matter what you do will be following because it….

Dr. Dravon James:  You have an amazing story this isDr. Dravon James. You are listening to Every Day Peace. I absolutely love you. I hope that you find your destiny and follow it to the end. Talk to you next week. You’ve been listening to Every Day Peace with Dr. Dravon James, you have the power right now today to make the decisions, to take the actions that lead you to your next level of greatness and I would love to walk with you on your turn. To hear some ways we can connect schedule a coaching session contact me at info at Drdravonjames.com. Enroll in my online university course to 2020 Clarity course at The Institute for leadership and lifelong learning International. Enroll in one of the Brilliant Lights – 9 weeks online coaching sessions with me and Keisha Dixon info at www.DrdravonJames.com. Purchase my book,  Freedom is your Birthright at Amazon.  Thank you for being an Every Day Peacemaker! I absolutely love you!